It's just... There's so much, you know, I don't even understand. What I feel or what I want. Even if I wanted to talk about it, I couldn't. It's not like I'm trying to hide stuff from you or lie to you. But, like - Joel and me, that's not the same as you and me. It's different.

I'm not in love with him, not the way I'm in love with you. But... I do care about him. I don't know if there's a word for what he is to me. I don't know how to talk about it.