[ Walt pulls back his hand. It hurts when he's confronted with it -- especially now. He cares very much about how Jesse feels, as long as Jesse's acting within a certain set way. What Walt does is what he has to do in their fucked up relationship to get answers but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about Jesse as a person.
Maybe it's just the despair of the situation or the fact that Walt lost so much tonight, but he shakes his head sadly. ]
I don't want anything from you.
[ There's no bitterness in his tone. It's just Walt giving up now. It's Walt standing before Jesse while he's holding the gun: Do it. You want this. He stands, drawing in a breath. ]
I'll do this alone.
[ He starts to the door and then pauses, looking over his shoulder. ]
It was only one cook, Jesse. Just one. I'm done once it sells.
[Jesse gets to his feet, though he doesn't look like he intends to chase after Walt if he's really leaving.]
Is it really that hard to tell me how you feel? Why's it so easy to hurt me, but when it comes to telling me why you're doing it, you run away from me?
[ Walt stops in his tracks and turns to face Jesse completely, taking a step forward. Another step. And then he reaches out to pull him into a tight embrace. ]
You sound like you want me to tell you I don't care about you or that I hate you, Jesse. And that would be the lie.
[Jesse wraps his arms around Walt just to keep him from running away from this. But he's shaking with a mixture of fear and anger. He's learning this is an aggressive move of Walt's. These hugs are never affectionate. They hurt more than anything. With his chin resting on Walt's shoulder, his lips beside Walt's ear, he murmurs:]
You don't drug and interrogate people you care about.
[ He tenses when Jesse still continues to fight him, the embrace losing its tender edge and becoming rigid. ]
You also don't take what isn't yours to take and lie about it. You started this, Jesse. I retaliated. Why does the blame get cast on me when you are every bit as guilty?
I saved your life. That's what I did. Most people say thanks, but you're mad about it. All the rotten things I had to do to save you before and this is the one you're mad about.
Because my life should have ended back home. But it didn't. You don't know what it's like to decide how things are going to end and to end them that way -- only to have it ripped away from you. I died satisfied that I had done my damned best to tie up all the loose ends and finally manage to find a way to get the money to my family. And then I came here -- and everything I did became a mockery. None of it mattered.
[ Walt releases Jesse, narrowing his eyes. ]
I was at peace. And then I got dragged straight back to hell. But I still had the cancer. I could still die. If I got to say goodbye to you and Hank properly, it wouldn't have been a waste. You took that away from me. You stole my only reprieve. And for what?
Jesus, Jesse. Look at us. What was the point of taking it away? You don't even believe me when I tell you I came here because I view you as a partner. You think I had some hidden motive when really I was just afraid -- for myself and for you. I came here because I don't want you to be dragged into this by him, and I wanted us to put our heads together and come up with a plan to stop him.
[ Walt shakes his head slowly. ]
You told me something last night that I know you wouldn't have told me if I hadn't done what I did. You told me you cured me because you hoped I would be happy, and that I would want to stay here. With you. And continue to be happy.
[ A beat. ]
If dying isn't an option here, then there's nothing else I want more than to move forward and live a happy life with you in it. You mean everything to me, Jesse. I know you feel as though I violated your trust, but I promise it will never happen again. You're not some guy I order around who does my bidding because he owes it to me. No. You're family. You're someone that I love -- and if you can't believe in that, then there's nothing else I can say.
[Jesse doesn't quite let Walt draw away, gripping him by the arms. No running from him. It isn't fair, everyone leaving him behind all the time. He knows he's difficult and he knows he's evil but this is the one good thing he's done.]
If you mean that, then act like it. Stop being mad because I gave us more time together. How the hell can you be satisfied with how everything ended back there? I'm never gonna be okay with you dying to save me. That's not a fucking fairytale ending, you stupid son of a bitch. If I'm supposed to be your partner, then think about how I'd feel!
[ The Jesse from the future. The Jesse this one becomes knows it's over. And although he might not be happy about it, although he didn't want to pull the trigger himself -- there's no denying that Jesse thinks Walt deserved it. That broken, destroyed, scarred Jesse -- who gave one final nod to their partnership before driving off to freedom without a single look back.
But Walt doesn't give any indication that he's talking about anything other than now. He looks down at Jesse's hands on his wrist and then tugs him closer for yet another hug -- his palm cradling the back of his head. ]
Shhh, shhh. You're right, Jesse. All of this time, I've only been thinking about myself -- so focused on how things didn't end the way I wanted them to, I failed to realize your motives weren't selfish. Not entirely. I got blinded by my anger, and I'm sorry.
[ He closes his eyes, leaning his cheek against the top of Jesse's head. ]
[He has the horrible feeling that Mr. White's just placating him, but what else can he do? He's not about to reject an apology when there's the remote chance it might be sincere. Jesse wants Walt in his life. That was the point of healing him to begin with. If Jesse suffered through the cancer, he can suffer through the manipulation and the blackouts and whatever else Mr. White has in store for him.
Jesse sucks in a breath, forcing himself to calm down. No more tears. No more yelling. It's time for him to do his job. He leans into the embrace.]
...You want me to fix you up?
[He's only taken care of the sedative so far. Walt should probably be at full strength if they're going to rush off and do something stupid like go after Chilton.]
[ Walt wears a faint, satisfied smile when Jesse melts against him. Good. Finally. He tightens his hug before shaking his head -- grimacing at the pain of the motion. ]
I'm fine.
[ After all, asking for Jesse to do that now after Jesse accused him of only coming over here to get healed would kind of defeat the purpose of what Walt was trying to prove. ]
I'll just get some ice for it. It's no big deal. Thank you, though.
[ There's a pause and his arms leave Jesse's side. ]
Did you happen to look into places for us? Judging by the way things are progressing, it might be nice to get away for a while. Just the two of us.
[ His lips quirk in a tiny smile. ]
We can cook. If you were still interested in cooking.
[Mr. White's obviously missed the point that Jesse wants him to ask for help, not to pretend nothing's wrong. But he doesn't press the issue. His injuries aren't severe enough to warrant a fight over it.]
I been looking at listings. The weather's shit up in Maurtia Falls right now, so I haven't gone yet, but I was thinking about taking a look at De Chima tomorrow. Just to see what they got around there.
[Pennsylvania will definitely suit them better when the snow lets up, though. Less... heroic.]
If you, um... If you really wanna cook again, I could see about getting a lab together. RV's still the best for that, I think.
[ Walt repeats, a smile tinging his lips at the nostalgia of it. Him and Jesse, driving off somewhere to cook -- reminiscent of their time in the past, the beginning of their partnership when everything was okay; when it was really just the two of them before everything else turned to shit. ]
I like the sound of that.
[ He claps Jesse on the shoulder, proud. ]
Let's get one and do this. We can do our own thing, Jesse. It'll be good. Just like it was when we had the RV back home. And hell if I'm not craving the escape for a few days.
[ Walt makes his way back to the couch, sinking onto it. ]
Do you mind if I stay here for the night?
[ Or day or whatever time it is. Walt is pretty exhausted after being chained up and tortured -- took a lot out of him. ]
[This little plan of theirs is exactly what Jesse's been dreaming about ever since he started cooking here. All by himself for nearly every cook, sometimes he'd have his earphones on and he'd be working on mixing or something and he'd imagine Walt somewhere in the lab behind him or hanging over his shoulder. It took some of the loneliness away, pretending his partner was there.
So it's strange he's got a sinking feeling about this, the fantasy becoming reality. Maybe it's because he's an afterthought, now that Walt's cooked without him. Or maybe it's because he'd kind of believed they could find something good to do with their lives, instead of ending right back where they started.
Jesse busies himself with fetching the first aid kit from a cabinet. Walt might not want healing, but he still needs cleaning up.]
You're taking the bed.
[Which is not a request. He insists. When he returns to Walt's side, he immediately sets to work. Looks like someone's actually been trained as a nurse. It's not all just a powers thing.]
[ Walt doesn't put up a fuss when Jesse's pulling out the first aid kit. Jesse feels best when he's being helpful, and at least this way he's not taking the injuries onto himself. Walt offers him an appreciative smile and then winces a few times over some of the larger cuts being cleaned. ]
We can share it.
[ He teases. Everything's better if they're teasing each other, right? ]
Well, I mean, it's really boring. It's just I don't get tired anymore. Unless I'm regenerating, in which case all I wanna do is sleep but then it's a pain in the ass 'cause it goes so slow.
I'm not going to condone it. Even in spite of your power, I still think your body probably needs rest.
[ A beat. ]
But in light of the things that happened tonight, I might feel better if one of us can keep watch. Just as a precaution. I know you said it's unlikely he can get in here...
[ But Chilton is crafty. Jesse could be his next move. ]
[Jesse allows himself one moment to think of Kara. He didn't have to worry about things like this before she left him. She was always somewhere nearby, close enough to find him if he called out to her. He'd taken the comfort of that for granted.
[ He puts his hand on one of Jesse's as Jesse is finishing his nurse duty. ]
Everything.
[ Including the cancer. Walt's not entirely grateful about it, but because of it he knew that Jesse didn't heal him because of owed favors. He did it out of love and concern. He did it out of fierce loyalty -- the way a dog would die for its owner. He did it to manipulate Walt's hand, to keep him around. And, well, Walt can understand that sentiment -- loathe as he is to fall into his own type of tricks.
Right now, more than any time before, he needs Jesse on his side. The situation is comparable to Gus, if not a bit worse. Gus did what he did to further the business and remove a threat. Chilton did what he did just for the hell of it. ]
[Abandoning Mr. White hasn't been an idea Jesse's even entertained, not when Saul was trying to persuade him and not when Kara was, either, and not even now that Jesse knows Walt's been toying with his brain chemistry just to get information out of him. Chilton is certainly not going to be the one to scare him away. Jesse's more afraid of what they'll have to do to him than whatever he might have in store for them.
[It is not gross, thank you. Actually, everything is really immaculate because he has no one in his life and housework is one of his only hobbies lately. (Also having a pet wolf really requires regular washing of things to get the fur situation under control.)]
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[ Walt pulls back his hand. It hurts when he's confronted with it -- especially now. He cares very much about how Jesse feels, as long as Jesse's acting within a certain set way. What Walt does is what he has to do in their fucked up relationship to get answers but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about Jesse as a person.
Maybe it's just the despair of the situation or the fact that Walt lost so much tonight, but he shakes his head sadly. ]
I don't want anything from you.
[ There's no bitterness in his tone. It's just Walt giving up now. It's Walt standing before Jesse while he's holding the gun: Do it. You want this. He stands, drawing in a breath. ]
I'll do this alone.
[ He starts to the door and then pauses, looking over his shoulder. ]
It was only one cook, Jesse. Just one. I'm done once it sells.
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It's never just one cook.
[Jesse gets to his feet, though he doesn't look like he intends to chase after Walt if he's really leaving.]
Is it really that hard to tell me how you feel? Why's it so easy to hurt me, but when it comes to telling me why you're doing it, you run away from me?
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no it isn't]I told you already. We're partners.
[ Walt stops in his tracks and turns to face Jesse completely, taking a step forward. Another step. And then he reaches out to pull him into a tight embrace. ]
You sound like you want me to tell you I don't care about you or that I hate you, Jesse. And that would be the lie.
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You don't drug and interrogate people you care about.
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You also don't take what isn't yours to take and lie about it. You started this, Jesse. I retaliated. Why does the blame get cast on me when you are every bit as guilty?
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I saved your life. That's what I did. Most people say thanks, but you're mad about it. All the rotten things I had to do to save you before and this is the one you're mad about.
Why?
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[ Walt releases Jesse, narrowing his eyes. ]
I was at peace. And then I got dragged straight back to hell. But I still had the cancer. I could still die. If I got to say goodbye to you and Hank properly, it wouldn't have been a waste. You took that away from me. You stole my only reprieve. And for what?
Jesus, Jesse. Look at us. What was the point of taking it away? You don't even believe me when I tell you I came here because I view you as a partner. You think I had some hidden motive when really I was just afraid -- for myself and for you. I came here because I don't want you to be dragged into this by him, and I wanted us to put our heads together and come up with a plan to stop him.
[ Walt shakes his head slowly. ]
You told me something last night that I know you wouldn't have told me if I hadn't done what I did. You told me you cured me because you hoped I would be happy, and that I would want to stay here. With you. And continue to be happy.
[ A beat. ]
If dying isn't an option here, then there's nothing else I want more than to move forward and live a happy life with you in it. You mean everything to me, Jesse. I know you feel as though I violated your trust, but I promise it will never happen again. You're not some guy I order around who does my bidding because he owes it to me. No. You're family. You're someone that I love -- and if you can't believe in that, then there's nothing else I can say.
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If you mean that, then act like it. Stop being mad because I gave us more time together. How the hell can you be satisfied with how everything ended back there? I'm never gonna be okay with you dying to save me. That's not a fucking fairytale ending, you stupid son of a bitch. If I'm supposed to be your partner, then think about how I'd feel!
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[ The Jesse from the future. The Jesse this one becomes knows it's over. And although he might not be happy about it, although he didn't want to pull the trigger himself -- there's no denying that Jesse thinks Walt deserved it. That broken, destroyed, scarred Jesse -- who gave one final nod to their partnership before driving off to freedom without a single look back.
But Walt doesn't give any indication that he's talking about anything other than now. He looks down at Jesse's hands on his wrist and then tugs him closer for yet another hug -- his palm cradling the back of his head. ]
Shhh, shhh. You're right, Jesse. All of this time, I've only been thinking about myself -- so focused on how things didn't end the way I wanted them to, I failed to realize your motives weren't selfish. Not entirely. I got blinded by my anger, and I'm sorry.
[ He closes his eyes, leaning his cheek against the top of Jesse's head. ]
We are partners. So let's do this together.
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Jesse sucks in a breath, forcing himself to calm down. No more tears. No more yelling. It's time for him to do his job. He leans into the embrace.]
...You want me to fix you up?
[He's only taken care of the sedative so far. Walt should probably be at full strength if they're going to rush off and do something stupid like go after Chilton.]
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I'm fine.
[ After all, asking for Jesse to do that now after Jesse accused him of only coming over here to get healed would kind of defeat the purpose of what Walt was trying to prove. ]
I'll just get some ice for it. It's no big deal. Thank you, though.
[ There's a pause and his arms leave Jesse's side. ]
Did you happen to look into places for us? Judging by the way things are progressing, it might be nice to get away for a while. Just the two of us.
[ His lips quirk in a tiny smile. ]
We can cook. If you were still interested in cooking.
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I been looking at listings. The weather's shit up in Maurtia Falls right now, so I haven't gone yet, but I was thinking about taking a look at De Chima tomorrow. Just to see what they got around there.
[Pennsylvania will definitely suit them better when the snow lets up, though. Less... heroic.]
If you, um... If you really wanna cook again, I could see about getting a lab together. RV's still the best for that, I think.
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[ Walt repeats, a smile tinging his lips at the nostalgia of it. Him and Jesse, driving off somewhere to cook -- reminiscent of their time in the past, the beginning of their partnership when everything was okay; when it was really just the two of them before everything else turned to shit. ]
I like the sound of that.
[ He claps Jesse on the shoulder, proud. ]
Let's get one and do this. We can do our own thing, Jesse. It'll be good. Just like it was when we had the RV back home. And hell if I'm not craving the escape for a few days.
[ Walt makes his way back to the couch, sinking onto it. ]
Do you mind if I stay here for the night?
[ Or day or whatever time it is. Walt is pretty exhausted after being chained up and tortured -- took a lot out of him. ]
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So it's strange he's got a sinking feeling about this, the fantasy becoming reality. Maybe it's because he's an afterthought, now that Walt's cooked without him. Or maybe it's because he'd kind of believed they could find something good to do with their lives, instead of ending right back where they started.
Jesse busies himself with fetching the first aid kit from a cabinet. Walt might not want healing, but he still needs cleaning up.]
You're taking the bed.
[Which is not a request. He insists. When he returns to Walt's side, he immediately sets to work. Looks like someone's actually been trained as a nurse. It's not all just a powers thing.]
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We can share it.
[ He teases. Everything's better if they're teasing each other, right? ]
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Gross.
[Nevermind that the bed's a mile wider than whatever cot situation they had going on back in the Crystal Ship.]
I'll be fine. I don't really need sleep anymore, anyway. It's kinda just a habit more than anything else.
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[ A beat. ]
But in light of the things that happened tonight, I might feel better if one of us can keep watch. Just as a precaution. I know you said it's unlikely he can get in here...
[ But Chilton is crafty. Jesse could be his next move. ]
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But Jesse chose Walt, so he chose this, too.]
I can do it. I'll keep watch.
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[ He puts his hand on one of Jesse's as Jesse is finishing his nurse duty. ]
Everything.
[ Including the cancer. Walt's not entirely grateful about it, but because of it he knew that Jesse didn't heal him because of owed favors. He did it out of love and concern. He did it out of fierce loyalty -- the way a dog would die for its owner. He did it to manipulate Walt's hand, to keep him around. And, well, Walt can understand that sentiment -- loathe as he is to fall into his own type of tricks.
Right now, more than any time before, he needs Jesse on his side. The situation is comparable to Gus, if not a bit worse. Gus did what he did to further the business and remove a threat. Chilton did what he did just for the hell of it. ]
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He turns his hand, clasping Walt's.]
Let's get you to bed.
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I really could've just slept on the couch. It's no big deal.
[ Jesse's bed is probably gross anyway. Does he even wash those sheets? ]
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[It is not gross, thank you. Actually, everything is really immaculate because he has no one in his life and housework is one of his only hobbies lately. (Also having a pet wolf really requires regular washing of things to get the fur situation under control.)]
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