[He doesn't see things the way Nill does. It's just too hard for him to imagine that the world is better with him in it, when he can look back and clearly see how he's made it that much worse. He could kill himself, easy, but that wouldn't fix the problem. And that's why he hasn't, though the urge is always there - especially when he doesn't have the meth to wipe away his depression.]
I'm not the one responsible for hurting her. If you're going to change the past then you need to be prepared to deal with the consequences of it. Changing the past probably won't fix this timeline at all-- it will just create a reality where the things you were connected to didn't happen.
[In a way, she knows it's going to hurt Lisbeth. She knows that there's no real reason to tell Lisbeth, because it will only bring her suffering. If things go the way Jesse wants then Nill might be wrong, and maybe Lisbeth won't remember.
But if that's the case, then she doesn't want Jesse to get off scott free for doing something like this. She absolutely refuses to let him do this without consequences. If it comes to it she'd kill him herself if it meant leaving her memories in tact, because too many people have tampered with them in the past, and she's not going to let someone like Jesse the drug addict take Dave away from her.]
Lisbeth deserves to know if someone is going to change her life, and she deserves to have a say, even if you decide not to listen to her.
[There's not a word of that that Jesse actually disagrees with. He already experimented with one timeline by blowing up the railroad in Black Rock and failed to change the outcome of his own life. But all that's proven is that the world they're in isn't the same as his Earth. Once they've repaired the Transporter enough to access other worlds the way it was meant to, then he can repeat the experiment. It's hard to tell how it all works, but what he does know for sure is their actions in the past change this reality, and he doesn't see why that wouldn't apply to other worlds, too.
But that's only the science of it. When it comes down to right or wrong, he doesn't know how to weigh the wrongness of changing Nill's life or Lisbeth's life without their consent versus the wrongness of committing murder in the first place. He guesses that's just another sign of how awful he really is, that he can't tell who deserves justice more. He continues to hurt people either way. Maybe he always will, as long as he's here on Earth. Nill's right that he should face the consequences. It's just... he won't be the one facing them. Lisbeth will. He's already feeling the pain of knowing that he's going to lose everything. What's going to change, when Nill tells Lisbeth, is Lisbeth's going to feel that pain, too. What kind of justice is that?
Well, he doesn't have anything else to say about it. The thoughts swirl around in his head but he's silent as he was in court when he was awaiting the judge's verdict. Nill's going to do what she's going to do.]
[His logic isn't exactly faulty. It makes a lot of sense that this isn't the future of his world specifically. But it makes things harder, because it means he's toying with the lives of people from multiple worlds. Multiple outcomes. She thinks Dave would be throwing a fit over Jesse's carelessness, if he were actually here to do it. She has no idea about the other Dave.
Jesse is talking to the wrong person if he wants to know about what would be the right justice, though. Nill has known too many people too many times who don't care about things like justice, and some that don't even care about right and wrong. Her ideas of right outrank justice a million to one, and it isn't right to change her and Lisbeth's lives.
Nill is selfish. Justice has very little to do with anything.]
Tell me now if you plan on telling Lisbeth. I don't want to wait on this any longer.
[The judge's verdict this time, unfair as it might be, is show no mercy.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If you tell her, you're only gonna hurt her.
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[In a way, she knows it's going to hurt Lisbeth. She knows that there's no real reason to tell Lisbeth, because it will only bring her suffering. If things go the way Jesse wants then Nill might be wrong, and maybe Lisbeth won't remember.
But if that's the case, then she doesn't want Jesse to get off scott free for doing something like this. She absolutely refuses to let him do this without consequences. If it comes to it she'd kill him herself if it meant leaving her memories in tact, because too many people have tampered with them in the past, and she's not going to let someone like Jesse the drug addict take Dave away from her.]
Lisbeth deserves to know if someone is going to change her life, and she deserves to have a say, even if you decide not to listen to her.
no subject
But that's only the science of it. When it comes down to right or wrong, he doesn't know how to weigh the wrongness of changing Nill's life or Lisbeth's life without their consent versus the wrongness of committing murder in the first place. He guesses that's just another sign of how awful he really is, that he can't tell who deserves justice more. He continues to hurt people either way. Maybe he always will, as long as he's here on Earth. Nill's right that he should face the consequences. It's just... he won't be the one facing them. Lisbeth will. He's already feeling the pain of knowing that he's going to lose everything. What's going to change, when Nill tells Lisbeth, is Lisbeth's going to feel that pain, too. What kind of justice is that?
Well, he doesn't have anything else to say about it. The thoughts swirl around in his head but he's silent as he was in court when he was awaiting the judge's verdict. Nill's going to do what she's going to do.]
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Jesse is talking to the wrong person if he wants to know about what would be the right justice, though. Nill has known too many people too many times who don't care about things like justice, and some that don't even care about right and wrong. Her ideas of right outrank justice a million to one, and it isn't right to change her and Lisbeth's lives.
Nill is selfish. Justice has very little to do with anything.]
Tell me now if you plan on telling Lisbeth. I don't want to wait on this any longer.
[The judge's verdict this time, unfair as it might be, is show no mercy.]
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[The pain of knowing is so much worse than ignorance.]
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She doesn't bother trying to say anything else. After that, she just turns and heads for the door.]