[Jesse hadn't even thought about what Lisbeth must have assumed was going on with him. Being abandoned is just... normal. That's normal life for him. No one wants to deal with him, whether he's using or not, and he understands that, because he knows that's a thing that he does to people. He exhausts them, he hurts them, and they don't want to look at him or think about him or speak to him. Ignoring it, yes. That's what's best, when it comes to him.
And the way she's putting it, he wants to argue. Something about the phrasing makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't want this to be because of Mr. White. Because it's not like he misses Mr. White. He doesn't. That can't be what's going on and he doesn't want Lisbeth thinking like it is. The idea of it makes him feel sick and afraid.]
No. No, you don't have to be sorry. I'm detoxing, is what it is, so... I mean, that's the real thing. It's not anybody's fault. And, I mean, you should be working.
[And the way Jesse addresses it helps Lisbeth see a little more clearly why she was apologizing exactly. She wasn't apologizing for being insensitive or being disinterested in what was going on with Jesse. She could have pressed further about the Walter issue since that's what Saul told her, but that seemed so trivial for her to harp on right now.]
No. I'm sorry for abandoning you. It doesn't matter what's causing it, I shouldn't have... [She's running out of words; Lisbeth doesn't know how to properly word this so she says it in the easiest terms she knows.]
[Jesse turns so that he's facing her more fully, cupping her cheek in the palm of his hand while he stares right into her eyes. Insisting:]
I know you love me. And it's okay. Don't... Don't feel guilty about this, okay? About what's going on with me, because - because it's not about anything you did, or didn't do, or...
I mean, it's my fault. Being like this. It's not your job to take care of me or look out for me. I don't ever want you feeling trapped here, with me. I get it, that sometimes you just gotta get away from me. I get it. And I know you still love me.
[At this close distance, Lisbeth stares back into his eyes. She's never felt more insecure than when it comes to loving him. She wasn't insecure about her feelings; she was insecure about whether Jesse felt loved or not. He's extremely important to her and she wouldn't let anything - or anyone - sway her in a different way. Lisbeth leans her face into Jesse's hand.]
[He doesn't even know what he's trying to say. It just seems better for her when she's away from him. The way everything is better for Andrea and Brock without him.]
I like it when you're getting stuff done. I don't wanna be the one that's stopping you.
[Their contrasting ideas of what this relationship should be would always exist. Lisbeth felt she needed to be by his side constantly, Jesse felt that was a danger to her. It's not the first time they came to an impasse with this discussion. It happened all the time. She reaches up and gently touches his chin with her finger.]
[It was strange to have someone else so invested in what she was doing. Well, there was that one time Mikael seemed to marvel at it, but that was neither here nor there. She reaches forward and kisses the corner of Jesse's mouth.]
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And the way she's putting it, he wants to argue. Something about the phrasing makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't want this to be because of Mr. White. Because it's not like he misses Mr. White. He doesn't. That can't be what's going on and he doesn't want Lisbeth thinking like it is. The idea of it makes him feel sick and afraid.]
No. No, you don't have to be sorry. I'm detoxing, is what it is, so... I mean, that's the real thing. It's not anybody's fault. And, I mean, you should be working.
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No. I'm sorry for abandoning you. It doesn't matter what's causing it, I shouldn't have... [She's running out of words; Lisbeth doesn't know how to properly word this so she says it in the easiest terms she knows.]
I love you and what I did wasn't loving you.
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I know you love me. And it's okay. Don't... Don't feel guilty about this, okay? About what's going on with me, because - because it's not about anything you did, or didn't do, or...
I mean, it's my fault. Being like this. It's not your job to take care of me or look out for me. I don't ever want you feeling trapped here, with me. I get it, that sometimes you just gotta get away from me. I get it. And I know you still love me.
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But I want to look out for you.
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[He doesn't even know what he's trying to say. It just seems better for her when she's away from him. The way everything is better for Andrea and Brock without him.]
I like it when you're getting stuff done. I don't wanna be the one that's stopping you.
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You can't tell me you find computer science sexy.
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[Is he joking? Is he not? Well, at least he's smiling again.]
Seriously, the best thing is just... just knowing you're doing good. Don't let me drag you down, 'cause I love it when you're kicking ass.
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