I know-- it's not just that. [It's everything. She rubs her eyebrows and sighs.]
It's everything. My marriage has finally fallen a part. I mean, I expected it. I did. I knew last month, thinking about it all. It's over. But thinking about it? Seeing him?
How do I go on? Because I just see myself shutting down. And I can't stop it, Jesse. I just-- get so mad when I think about it. And it's at myself, and it's at him. And then it's just-- nothing. I feel nothing.
[And that's actually scarier than anything. She's supposed to care more. She's supposed to feel something, right? Not just give up.]
[Jesse's expression softens again. These are problems a lot more familiar to him. But they're also problems he really sucks at dealing with. He's got no words of comfort or advice. It used to be he used drugs to numb himself. Now he's just settled into the pain. He's not about to tell her to do the same, though, because she deserves better than misery.
He reaches out to touch her arm. He hopes that's okay. She didn't seem to mind before. Maybe it even helped.]
There's gonna be a whole future that doesn't have him in it. Whatever comes next is gonna be better than how it used to be, right? We gotta go on so we can get there.
I shoulda brought him to Mike. I shoulda... I dunno. I shoulda done anything but what I did. You shouldn'ta ever had to see him again, like ever. And all it did was get him mad at you.
I'm a fucking idiot. If he was ever right about anything, it's that. I thought, like - I dunno. I thought maybe back then he used to tell the truth or something. But then, yeah, he said that, and I guess... I guess it was always bullshit, with him. And I shoulda known that.
You're not, Jesse. [She softens, her hand moving to take his. Sky completely understands why he did what he did, even if Walt is the last person she would ever want to see regardless of when in their timeline they are from.]
You hoped. [That he wasn't the man he would become, that they could stop it from happening, that things could be good.
But Walt is Walt, and she doesn't know how she missed it all these years.]
[His throat tightens and his voice catches. He remembers what Saul said, about how it was Jesse's fault and how he forced her to have to see her... her maniac of a husband, Saul'd called him.
Fuck hope. It should have been obvious. It was obvious to everyone else.]
[She tries to brush it off. It's strange when someone hurts you (unintentionally as is this case) and their apology is sincere. They didn't mean it is the first shocker. The fact that she doesn't have to pry anything out of him or trick him into admitting he's wrong by pointing out all the harm he caused is an entirely different level.
So she just smiles lightly. Jesse's so much better than him.]
We know he's here. We'll just be more prepared next time. [Or avoid until they are ready.]
[Despite what he told Saul, about being ready to shoot the man down at the first sign of a threat, he doubts himself just as much as Saul doubted him. He gets stupid around Mr. White. Even when he thought he was in control, he ended up doing exactly what Mr. White wanted. How's he supposed to pull the trigger? How's he ever going to be prepared?
Jesse shakes his head, dismissing the whole line of thought. He just wants to get away from this. This whole goddamn cage he's stuck in with the man who wants to kill him and a bunch of people he keeps letting down.
There's a sudden shift in his expression and he looks up at Skyler again.]
I mean go somewhere. Like on Earth. The two of us. We could go right now. Pack up some stuff and take off for a few days. Get some air. Sunshine. Whatever.
Somewhere warm-- tropical, maybe. [Nice and relaxing.
Is this really happening? Well she certainly isn't objecting. Not being around Walt is reason enough to get the fuck out of dodge regardless of who she's going with.]
[And he's smiling all of a sudden. Wow, this is a great plan. Why didn't they do this sooner? Like right away? He squeezes her hand before letting go.]
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Yeah: the winning side. Don't worry, Skyler. I ain't gonna let him touch you.
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I wouldn't doubt you. [Even if they both failed spectacularly.]
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I mean it, I'm looking out for you. So if that's been keeping you up at night, you can start sleeping better now.
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It's everything. My marriage has finally fallen a part. I mean, I expected it. I did. I knew last month, thinking about it all. It's over. But thinking about it? Seeing him?
How do I go on? Because I just see myself shutting down. And I can't stop it, Jesse. I just-- get so mad when I think about it. And it's at myself, and it's at him. And then it's just-- nothing. I feel nothing.
[And that's actually scarier than anything. She's supposed to care more. She's supposed to feel something, right? Not just give up.]
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He reaches out to touch her arm. He hopes that's okay. She didn't seem to mind before. Maybe it even helped.]
There's gonna be a whole future that doesn't have him in it. Whatever comes next is gonna be better than how it used to be, right? We gotta go on so we can get there.
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I know. I just-- don't know what to do now.
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I'm sorry. I mean, for putting you through all this.
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You've been so strong during this. [Stronger than her, she thinks.]
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I can't believe he brought up my hair.
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You hoped. [That he wasn't the man he would become, that they could stop it from happening, that things could be good.
But Walt is Walt, and she doesn't know how she missed it all these years.]
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I didn't -
[His throat tightens and his voice catches. He remembers what Saul said, about how it was Jesse's fault and how he forced her to have to see her... her maniac of a husband, Saul'd called him.
Fuck hope. It should have been obvious. It was obvious to everyone else.]
I didn't mean to do that to you.
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So she just smiles lightly. Jesse's so much better than him.]
We know he's here. We'll just be more prepared next time. [Or avoid until they are ready.]
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Jesse shakes his head, dismissing the whole line of thought. He just wants to get away from this. This whole goddamn cage he's stuck in with the man who wants to kill him and a bunch of people he keeps letting down.
There's a sudden shift in his expression and he looks up at Skyler again.]
Hey... You wanna go somewhere?
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I was thinking of staying low for awhile. I don't-- ['Want Walt to find me' goes unsaid.]
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I mean go somewhere. Like on Earth. The two of us. We could go right now. Pack up some stuff and take off for a few days. Get some air. Sunshine. Whatever.
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You mean that?
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Is this really happening? Well she certainly isn't objecting. Not being around Walt is reason enough to get the fuck out of dodge regardless of who she's going with.]
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Yeah. Yeah, we'll go to Hawaii. I never been there.
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Me neither. [Her smile crops up again.] It sounds better than here.
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I guess - I guess I should go get us set up. You wanna pack and meet me by the Transporter in like an hour?
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Sounds like a plan.
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[And he's smiling all of a sudden. Wow, this is a great plan. Why didn't they do this sooner? Like right away? He squeezes her hand before letting go.]
I'll see you there.