hostage | MASK OR MENACE

[Jesse realizes after about five long seconds that the question was for him. He snaps out of his reverie and looks over to Joel.]

- Oh, uh... Like camping camping? Out in the woods, in a tent and stuff?

[ About to say Jesse's name to get his attention, wondering if Jesse even heard a word he said, he peers at Jesse with a slight frown when he finally answers. But then he nods, looking down at the skillet to flip one of the pancakes over. ]

Yeah. Exactly like that. Might be a good idea to get away for a few days, huh? Head right out into nature, someplace where no one'll find us.

[Jesse isn't sure what to make of the proposal. It sounds wonderful to him, for sure. After so many months spent on a leash and in a cell, he's been longing to go for a drive or a swim or a hike through the mountains. Just because he can. But he gets the feeling Joel might be saying this because he needs it. Running is what Joel does.

Not that it changes Jesse's answer:]

Yeah, let's do it.

[They both need time to recover, in their ways.

With the coffee brewing, Jesse's free to move a bit closer to Joel again. Not enough to crowd him in, but he likes to be within arm's reach.]

Where were you thinking of going?

[ An instant little wave of relief comes over him at not having to try to talk Jesse into it. ]

Well, I went to North Carolina, to check out a few places, like I said I was going to. One of 'em was right out near a forest that musta stretched for... god only knows how many miles. Only a coupla dirt roads in and outta the place. Real secluded. Nobody around.

Perfect.

[Jesse gets his freedom and Joel gets his seclusion. No protests here.]

Now if we find a couple horses, it'll be just like Brokeback Mountain.

[See? He's still capable of jokes.]

[ That actually earns a snort out of Joel, accompanied with a shake of his head as if to say, you goddamn smartass. In spite of himself, though, he dryly plays along with the joke. ]

Oh, it's like that, is it?

[Yes. Good. He wants to see Joel smile.]

You tell me, cowboy.

[ That gets Joel looking up from flipping the pancakes to reach a hand out and shove Jesse against his arm. Exasperated mock annoyance more than anything. ]

Shut the hell up.

[Jesse recovers from that shove by slipping his arm around Joel's waist, creeping up behind him.]

Aww. Now you're blushing.

No, I ain't. Quit that.

[ Instead of shrugging Jesse away from him, though, he just heaves an indignant sigh while lifting one of the pancakes off the skillet onto a plate. At least Jesse giving him a hard time feels a lot more normal than how things have otherwise been. Normal is how Joel wants things to return to being. ]

[Jesse shifts slightly, his hands coming to rest on Joel's hips as he leans in and nuzzles into the space between Joel's shoulder blades. Getting nice and comfortable here.]

You know, it's gonna be cold up there this time of year. We'll have to share body heat.

[Joel makes this too easy.]

[ Joel clicks his tongue, feeling more awkward the more Jesse presses the whole Brokeback thing. It seems like he's trying to ignore the way Jesse is behind him, shifting the other pancakes over onto the plate before setting the spatula down to reach for the bowl and spoon out some more mixture into the skillet. He would never in a million years admit that he's missed this, that he'd been convinced the whole time Jesse was gone that he'd lost this. ]

You can stay warm out by the campfire if you keep up this Brokeback bullshit.

Asshole.

[Said with just as much affection as I love you. Jesse's quite settled here, though, so he won't be moving until Joel peels him away. He didn't even know he missed this until a few days ago, but he did. Desperately.]

[ No answer to that fond insult. A tiny smile tugs on the corner of Joel's mouth for just a second, then it's gone. He sets the bowl aside and waits for little bubbles to start forming on the pancake mixture to let him know when to flip them. ]

You never answered my question, anyways. 'Bout whether you've ever been campin' before or not.

Nope. Not the real kind. I wanted to, but my parents only ever sent me off to like... nerd camp. Or youth group. Gay-ass shit like that.

[And he's not counting those "camping trips" in the Crystal Ship.]

Well, that's good to know. Gives me an idea of how much of a pain in the ass you're probably gonna be.

[ His own dry but fond insult. ]

[Joel will be amazed at just how capable Jesse is when it comes to keeping his mouth shut these days.]

Just make sure a bear doesn't eat me.

Heh. Trust me, if it ever came to that, I've fought off worse things than bears.

When're you wanting to head off, anyways? I can start sorting stuff out tonight if tomorrow morning's good with you.

Tomorrow's good.

[No need to linger around here. If he's with Joel, he's exactly where he needs to be, no matter where that is.]

[ Okay. Good. He feels the tension in his shoulders ease a little. Picking up the spatula, he flips the pancakes over, sets the spatula down, and glances over his shoulder to look at Jesse in his periphery. ]

Pancakes're almost done. Go grab a coupla plates.

[Jesse finally detaches himself from Joel and turns to pull the plates out of the cabinet. He sets them down beside the stove before returning his attention to the coffee, which is just about ready. Joel's cup gets the priority. He's making this one perfect.]

[ All the while, Joel serves up the pancakes - a thick stack of three pancakes for each of them, and after he switches off the burner, he moves the plates over to the island bench. He pulls cutlery out for both of them from the drawer and sets them down by the plates, and then heads for the pantry to fetch the bottle of maple syrup. As he passes Jesse on his way back from the pantry, his hand briefly touches Jesse's shoulder with a small squeeze, done without really thinking about it. ]

This one's yours. [ Back at the island counter, he pushes the plate with the slightly fatter stack of pancakes in Jesse's direction while easing himself down onto one of the stools. Jesse gets the bigger plate because he looks like he needs a good feed.

Ellie enters his mind from out of nowhere. If she was here, she would probably be babbling away about how she was starving and how it took Joel long enough to make them, and she'd be getting stuck into her own plate by shovelling too-big forkfuls of pancakes into her mouth, and Joel would probably be telling her for the last goddamn time to take it slower. It's a sudden sombre thought that Joel quickly tries to find a way to push out of his mind as he pours a helping of maple syrup over his pancakes. ]

I'm thinkin' we should rent a car. Leave early, around sunrise. Take them fishing rods I got in the garage that've been sittin' there for months. A case of beer. Some music. [ He slides the maple syrup across the counter towards Jesse in case he wants some. ] Think you'll like it out in the woods. It's real peaceful.

[That affectionate squeeze draws a smile out of Jesse. It leaves his head feeling foggy, as he becomes aware all at once of where he is and who he's with and what he's doing. A week ago, he couldn't have pictured this moment even in a dream. To be in his own home, in the company of someone he loves, seemed like an impossibility not even worth wishing for anymore.

He's quiet as he takes his seat beside Joel and digs into his food. Not a sullen quiet, but contented. A bit dazed. He only half-listens to what Joel's saying, too distracted by this moment to put much thought into the future.]

That sounds perfect.

[Yeah, he keeps saying that. But it does.]

[ Joel can pretend it sounds perfect. If surviving the last twenty years taught him anything, it's trying to find even the smallest thing to hold onto when everything else is nothing but bleak. Even all those perilous days and nights he spend travelling with Ellie, he found moments, little moments, that kept him going, and some of those moments he cherished most were when it was just them huddled by a campfire in rare moments of peaceful solitude.

Taking a bite of his pancakes, he makes a small hm not bad face at finding the sour cream substitute actually kinda works. He reaches for his cup of coffee next and takes a sip, and that gets a subtle but markedly more impressed look of not bad. ]

Heh. You've sure upped your coffee makin' game. That's pretty damn good.

[Jesse brightens at the compliment as if Joel just uttered the words good boy. Such a small thing, but it's so good to be acknowledged at all. He's not grinning or anything. It's just that the look he gives Joel is disproportionate to the compliment. It's more than his pride over coffee. It's being allowed to sit here and eat, to hear nice words directed at him again, to be shown any kindness whatsoever.]

Thanks.

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