hostage | EXSILIUM

[People keep doing this and he's not sure why but he allows it. It's all so stupid. He would understand if it was someone who's still fooled by him, but when it comes to Sonya and Steph especially... They hate him. He knows it. And it's not unwarranted. So why do they pretend otherwise? Neither of them seem like love can save the world types. What's the tactic here?

For all his doubt, Jesse responds automatically, leaning into the hug though he doesn't quite return it, instead lightly placing a hand on Steph's arm. He is, after all, sorry for being cruel to her and for being frightening even when he isn't trying to be. He knows it isn't easy to deal with him.

Tears well up in his eyes again but he's going to do his best to avoid breaking down like he did with Sonya.]

...I can't do that.

I know.

[At least, she knows it's out of reach for a long time, that it may be possible one day but right now Jesse's too broken and scared of Walter and caught up in it all to be able to forgive himself.

If he gets away from Walter, somehow, breaks free of that, Steph thinks he might be able to forgive himself, but she knows how unlikely that is, too.]

Is there anything I can do?

[To help]

[Jesse sighs, drained rather than exasperated.]

There's nothing to do. Mr. White's gone, so... so it's over, I guess. Nothing happened.

[Except, of course, all the emotional destruction Jesse caused. But Steph and Sonya seem determined to push him past it, and what's he to do if they won't punish him for it?]

[For now, but she doesn't say that.]

I meant, you know, for you. To help. 'Cause it doesn't seem like it's over.

[He's still a mess.

It's easier to talk about this when she's hugging him instead of facing him, like it's all a bit further away.]

[Well, no, she's right about that. But what's she supposed to do? Un-brainwash him? Somehow, he doesn't think all the hugs in the world are going to cut it.]

I dunno.

Okay.

[A breath, and she pulls back, rubbing her hands along his arms and looking at him like she's taking stock of him for the first time.]

Why don't I start by running you a bath, and while you have a nice long soak I'll make you something for dinner, 'kay? Whatever you want.

[Her smile is rueful, aware that this won't really fix anything, but maybe getting him cleaned up and warm and well fed might make everything that little bit easier to deal with.]

[This is a really strange turn. He won't argue with it, though, giving her a tentative nod.]

Okay.

[The progression makes entirely logical sense to her. She gives his shoulders one last squeeze before letting go and moving away, seeming a lot calmer now that a) they've sorted this shit out as best they can and b) she's got a purpose for the moment.]

Are you gonna complain if there are bubbles?

[As she heads into the bathroom to start the water running, pitching her voice loud enough to carry back to him.]

[Is this really happening? A few minutes ago, he expected her to put his head through the wall or something. He takes a few steps in the direction of the bathroom, rubbing at his neck.]

Bubbles are good.

[She's not oblivious enough to miss the confusion, so once the water is running and there's a sufficient amount of bubble bath put in - thank you, Jules - Steph sticks her head out of the bathroom so she can address Jesse a little more easily. She's smiling, even if it's a bit sad.]

I used to do this sorta thing for my mom, when she got from work, and it'd help her make it to bed without needing any pills.

[It was on days that Arthur wasn't there, whether because he was spending some time in prison or planning some heist somewhere, but those were good days, where she could sit down to dinner with her mom and actually have a conversation.

So that's why she's doing this, because she remembers it helping someone else.

She wonders when she's going to stop spilling all her secrets to people, but it seems to have been a day for it.]

[Jesse feels like he should apologize. For the trouble or the bad reminder or something. He decides against it, though, his gaze dropping awkwardly as he opts to just nod instead.]

Sorry.

[She feels like she's done a lot of apologizing recently, or had people apologizing to her. Maybe she should just strike the word from her vocablary.]

I wasn't trying to make you feel bad.

[If that's what happened? He just looks uncomfortable, she can't guess his thought process.]

No, you didn't - I mean, just... Sorry. It's nice, you helping your mom like that.

I'm not actually a jerk all the time.

[But it's said lightly, and she manages a wry sort of grin. She knows she hasn't exactly been pleasant around Jesse, and while some of that has been in response to how he was acting, she can still feel a little guilty about it.]

You should go grab clean clothes, I think it'll defeat the purpose of a bath if you put those back on.

[Clean clothes. He wonders if he even has those. He hasn't been paying attention. But he nods and disappears into his bedroom, reappearing about a minute later with fresh clothes rolled under one arm. Turns out he did have some. (Thanks, Lisbeth.)]

[By the time he's back, the taps at the bath have been turned off, because it's full of water and bumbles, Steph's sleeves rolled up to her elbows after she made sure the temperature was fine.]

What do you want for dinner? Please don't say cookies, 'cause I've seen more than enough for the day.

[And a small grin to accompany the joke, even if it wasn't a great one.

She's trying, at least.]

[He almost tells her she doesn't have to trouble herself, but now that he's thinking about it, he can't remember the last time he ate. He'll probably get sick if he carries on like that. Of course, nothing sounds particularly appetizing in his current state, so:]

Um. Whatever's easy.

[The answer doesn't really surprise her, considering... everything, and she knows what it's like to have no appetite.]

You're not allergic to anything, right?

[Just double checking, as she dries her hands on her jeans and steps out of the bathroom.]

[He starts to shake his head, pauses to reconsider, and then shakes his head with more certainty. He doesn't think so.]

[Jesse that is not very reassuring, but she isn't planning to make anything crazy, so it'll probably be fine.]

Okay, now shoo. [With accompanying gesture.] Try not to have too much fun.

[Steph pls.]

[He's having so much trouble understanding any of this, but he's going to do what she says because a bubble bath actually sounds very nice and so does eating a dinner that he doesn't have to cook.

As relaxing as the bath is, Jesse's not one to stay still for long, so he only soaks for about fifteen minutes before he gets bored and climbs out. He considers shaving after he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, but that still sounds like too much effort at this point. Maybe later.

It's enough that he emerges from the bathroom clean and wearing clothes that don't smell offensively ripe.]

[During that time, Steph makes a quick trip down to her own apartment because she feels weird using other people's food, even if she's making something for them.

She decides on beef stroganoff, because it's hearty and easy to make, and she's almost done by the time Jesse reappears.]

Feeling any better?

[And okay, so maybe she's made quite a lot of food, but Jesse has roommates who can eat leftovers.]

[Jesse looks over the stove with wide eyes as he wanders into the kitchen, keeping back so he doesn't get in her way.]

Yeah. That was, um, nice.

[...This meal is so elaborate by Jesse standards. And there's so much of it. He's a bit stunned.]

Bubble baths are kind of magic. [Just saying.] Unlike ice baths, which may actually prove the existence of Satan.

[She remembers the first time Bruce pointed to a bathtub full of ice and freezing water and told her to get in.

It was the worst.

Also surprise, she tends to ramble when she's feeling a bit awkward.]

This should be ready in a sec, you can grab yourself a drink if you want.

[Jesse nods and drifts over to the fridge to grab a beer.]

I, um... I saw this thing once, on TV. Was about these Japanese people who take ice baths for the New Year. Like a ritual. Like for endurance, you know? They're out there in their underwear in the middle of winter just, like, soaking in ice water. Crazy.

[Look who else is a rambler.]

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