EXSILIUM - contact.

[hostage]

UNIT№409



_“ Hey, it's me. Wait for the thing. _”

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[controlledvariable]

[Somehow, she manages to find enough composure to stay at the table for the rest of the day, even when Jesse and Saul show up and she clenches her fists so hard that she cuts into her palms. She doesn't look at Saul, and can't look away from Jesse.

She's so angry that it hurts but if what Sonya said is true, she has to talk to Jesse about it first, he has that right, no matter how angry she is at Saul.

At the end of the day, once everyone has gone and the tent is packed up, she stands outside the door to Jesse's apartment and tries to remember how to breathe.

After about ten minutes of standing there, she finally manages to knock.]

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[Jesse's a little quicker to answer the door than he has been, lately. He doesn't look a whole lot better than he did earlier, at the tent, but it's a vast improvement from the last time they spoke, at least. He gives her a dimly suspicious look when he sees her, silence taking the place of his usual 'sup?]

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[She has no idea what she's going to say, and there's a flare of panic when the door opens, when she sees Jesse, and she just says the first thing that comes to mind:]

I'm so sorry.

[It's the sort of apology that sounds more like condolences, but there's also a little bit of I'm sorry for what I did in there, too..]

I didn't realize who they'd poisoned.

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[Jesse looks away for a second, past Stephanie and down the hall. There's no one there. A flicker of annoyance passes over his face as he returns his gaze to her.

Sonya, of course.

Except for that part: "they". Sonya doesn't know that much. Or didn't. Who knows, now.

His eyes narrow almost imperceptibly and he takes a few steps back, making way for Steph to enter the apartment.]

[controlledvariable]

[Of course there's no one there.

When he looks at her, there's a moment where she's almost scared, worried what he might do, but she tells herself that she can handle whatever he might try, and walks inside.

She doesn't say anything, because she isn't sure what to say, just wraps her arms around herself and watches Jesse, waiting to see what's going to happen next.]

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[As he's shutting the door and locking it behind her:]

You all having a nice convention about me? Swapping stories, huh?

[His voice is low, with a trace of malice. His movements, however, are torpid as they have been, his arms dropping back to his sides while he stands there with a good distance between them. No offer for her to make herself comfortable.]

[controlledvariable]

[It's a fair accusation, but that trace of malice still has her carefully cataloguing the exits. Nevermind that she already knows them all, it helps keep her calm.]

It was just me and Sonya. [She's talking carefully now, calm, not trying to defend herself so much as just explain.] I was trying to get her to understand, but I didn't tell her anything. [a breath, and she licks her lips as she looks at the door, towards the windows.] She thought I knew, I guess.

[She gives a tiny shrug, everything about her apologetic.]

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It's good to know that nobody can keep a secret worth shit around here.

[But he sounds kind of resigned to that by now. What a fucking week.]

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[With a bitter edge:] Saul can.

[He managed to keep it from her, that the kid he helped poison was Jesse's.]

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[Wryly:]

Trouble in paradise.

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Don't.

[She wants to sound angry, but it's more like she's pleading.]

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Why'd you say you were sorry?

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[That confuses her a little. It doesn't help that she already feels like she's drowning, but for a moment all she can do is blink at him.]

'Cause I am. I'm sorry about what happened, and I'm sorry for not getting it sooner.

[She's sorry for all the awful things she's thought about Jesse.]

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Nobody wanted you to get it.

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[No, she guesses they didn't, and for a moment all she can manage is to hang her head, arms still wrapped around herself, looking somewhere between ashamed and apologetic.]

Okay. Sorry.

[Why did she even come here?]

I'll go, I just-- I wanted to say that, to apologize.

[A brief glance at Jesse, before she heads back to the door.]

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[Nah, he's stepping in front of the door.]

[controlledvariable]

[Fine.

Okay, fine. She stops where she is and tells herself again that she could take Jesse down if she has to, that she doesn't need to be nervous.

It doesn't actually help.]

Jesse.

[He needs to say something or let her go.]

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Saul's the only person I got left.

[Judging from the way she's looking at him, a threat doesn't really need to accompany that statement. Then again, he didn't meant to be threatening in the first place. It's a plea of his own.]

[controlledvariable]

[Oh.

She actually manages to calm down a little, now that she knows what's going on with him, where his thoughts are.]

What do you think I'm gonna do?

[It's a genuine question.

She doesn't know the answer, though.]

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The same as whatever you were planning to do to Mr. White.

[And he doesn't know what that is. He only intuits that there were a lot of people previously planning to do something, and now that their target is gone, maybe the attention will simply shift to someone new.]

'cause you think they're the same, right? Working together, on the same team.

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I wasn't planning anything.

[She means that; she would have stepped in if she thought it was necessary, but she was trusting Saul, and by extension Jesse, to keep the situation under control.

And the question just surprises her.]

No, God, I don't-- [Now that she feels on more even ground, it's easier to talk.] I think he was, and I think he's a selfish piece of shit, and I don't know what he'll do if Walter comes back, but I don't think they're the same.

[She's still furious at Saul, for what he did, for keeping it from her and telling her loved her instead. But she doesn't think he's like Walter.]

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Good.

[His shoulders ease subtly in relief. Really, what was he planning to do if she laid a heroic speech on him?]

Saul couldn't control what happened. And I made sure he paid for it.

He's real sorry now.

[There's such a darkness to that final statement.]

[controlledvariable]

[As soon as Jesse says that, she seems to forget that she's mad at Saul, that she shouldn't care.]

What did you do?

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That's between him and me. Like all of this shoulda been.

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[She nearly lashes out. It might be visible in the way her shoulders tense, how her hands clench into fists at her sides, but to get a hold on her anger before she actually does anything.

Wasn't she thinking about hurting Saul herself, when she first heard this revelation? Didn't she already hurt him, during the fight in the hallway? But reminding herself of that only barely takes the edge off how worried she is for him, how protective she feels.

She doesn't know what to do, what to think, how to cope with this it all and she can't find any response to Jesse beyond her silent, barely contained anger.]